Let me be blunt: I am a dragon. Of the raar grr firebreathing variety. People come to my cave to look for treasure, or to 'save the princess' (whom I've never actually kidnapped), or whatever: power, glory, righteousness, all that bullshit. I'm not exactly unfamiliar with people walking through my front door and trying to slay me, knights and wizards and the like.
Two issues with that, though. First, dragons are pretty much impervious to magic. You'd think the wizarding community would've caught onto this by now, but for whatever reason, they're exceeding slow in that respect. I've fought off at least a dozen magic users without any lasting harm, and yet every couple of months, I'll get some plucky young thing come try to kick my tail. Kinda sad to watch, to be honest.
Second of all, we dragons are physically tough. All you really need to know is this: dragon scales can't be cut and dragon bones don't break. Ever. All those swords and arrows and what have you, they don't do squat. Granted, I've gotten some pretty nasty bruises before -- a knight tried to take my head off once, and I could hardly rotate my neck for a week -- but you're never going to kill me that way. Old age is pretty much the only way to go.
There's one caveat, though. I've said that it's basically impossible to kill a dragon like me in combat, which it is. Usually somebody comes storming into the cave with a staff or a sword, goes straight for the jugular, and realizes within a few seconds that's nothing happening. Not a great revelation to have, particularly if you've just woken me up and now I'm staring you down from twice your height. So what do people do? Well, they panic. The guys generally hack and slash for a few more seconds and then piss their pants in fear before I finish them off. The females, though...the females are a different story. They're trying to kill me in self-defense now, so they look for my most obvious weak spot they can find and they go for it. Can you guess where?
No? Lemme give you a reminder then: I'm twice as tall as them, and standing right in from of them. And I'm male.
What's at eye level?
Yeah, that's right. They go for the balls. And you wonder why us dragons are going extinct.
You'd be surprised how many people, in a moment of blind panic, just lash out for my gonads. They're at the perfect height, I guess, just hanging there, and people just go to town on them. I've heard it's the same for all male dragons. You start learning after the first few times you get nailed, obviously -- you start positioning yourself more defensively, and your reflexes get a lot better -- but desperation does a lot for a person. I once had a particularly crazy knight try to make a shish-kabob of my testicles -- she just straight-up stabbed 'em with her sword. Obviously, she couldn't cut through my ballsac, but the bitch had such lucky aim that she pinned one of nuts up against my pelvis. And then she just started pushing...oh gods. Like the rest of our bodies, dragon testicles don't ever pop or rupture, but I don't want to imagine what shape my nut was in right then. All I remember is spending the night curled in the fetal position, trying not to throw up.
And magic users? Fuck. Most of them are stupid and terrified enough that I can chase 'em out before they do anything too rough, but once in a while you'll get someone clever. I once had a sorceress who cast a bind spell around my sac and just starting crushing my nuts. God, I can't describe to you what that's like. It wasn't a short thing, either -- it lasted like three days, me just writhing on the floor in agony. My balls ached for months afterwards. Any time I jerked off, cumming felt like a steel-toed boot to the crotch.
So that's the great secret of the 'dragon-slayers'. All the great heroes who've ever claimed to slay dragons have really just ballbusted them until they were incapacitated. It's a hell of a tough way to live -- you'll spend months building up your resources, settling down, keeping to yourself, and WHAM! all of a sudden there's sadistic bitch at the door who wants nothing more than to see you suffer. Seriously, I haven't even talked about repeat offenders. There's this one elephant chick who comes and just...nnngh. You do not want to know what it's like to have an elephant stomping on your gonads like they're grapes.
What? Seriously? You want to hear some stories? Well...
The first chick who ever went after my balls was this female orca, a big, built thing. She was so rugged-looking I assumed she was male at first, beneath all the armor, but I realized I was wrong when she started to speak.
"I've come to destroy you," she said, spitting the words out as she leaned on a nasty-looking mace.
I snorted, straightening in front of her. "What a surprise. That's a really original concept; I want you to know that. Let me guess: you're either going to cut off my head or stab me in the heart."
She smirked wickedly, giving a quick glance at my uncovered groin. (It didn't strike me as anything important at the time -- stupid.) "Not exactly," she replied, preparing to strike.
Even as she pulled her mace back, I left my guard down -- she seemed way too cocky, way too sure of herself, just like every other challenger who'd ever walked in. The mace looked too heavy for her, so I figured I'd give her a few swings to tire herself out and then make short work of her. Of course, by the time I realized where she was aiming it was too late, and--
"Oh GOD," I squeaked, crumpling to the floor with my nuts in my hands. "Oh my...oh my GOD, my BALLS!"
"Hurts, doesn't it?" she said, smiling. "I'm guessing no one's ever done that before."
Actually, looking back, I'm not sure I ever had been hit in the nuts before. (Such a strange thought now...oh gods, so many bad memories.) Certainly I'd never been clobbered like this. It was just...annngh. I'd never had so much agony ripping through my gut before. I was trying to form some sort of coherent response, whether that meant defending my territory or just tearing the bitch's head off, but all I could hear was my brain screaming "WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR BALLS?" and my balls screaming back "OH GOD WHAT'S GOING ON".
I tried reconstructing what had happened. I remembered standing. I remembered the orca swinging her mace up between my legs. I remembered my feet leaving the ground, which meant she wasn't just dirty, she was fucking strong. The impact of the mace had physically lifted me up off the floor, which meant my entire weight was resting on my unprotected gonads. Fuck. And now I was curled up on the stone floor, writhing in inescapable pain, looking up at the female orca who'd put me through this torture. Though she suddenly seemed to be wearing a lot less clothes.
"i hope you don't mind if I get comfortable?" She gazed down at me condescendingly as she tossed off her gauntlets, leaving her standing completely nude in the middle of the cavern. "Armor's heavy -- I find it a lot easier to do my work without it." She blinked. "Plus it's just a lot more fun."
All I could give in reply was a slow, agonized moan, which made her chuckle. "Oh that's right," she said. "You're a little...occupied at the moment, aren't you."
"Fuck you," I choked, rolling onto my back, my dragonhood still carefully cradled in my claws.
"Hey." Her tone was suddenly much more serious. "I'd watch your language if you know what's good for you, drake."
Unfortunately, I was not in the mood. "What...nngh, gods...what the fuck do you want, bitch?"
Stars exploded in my eyes as my balls exploded in a fresh wave of pain, sending me back into the fetal position with a primal roar. The orca had brought her mace down on my crotch again, smashing my balls through my claws and crushing the poor orbs into my pelvis. I felt myself start to shake as I let out a high, piercing scream, my body unable to process the pain overload it was going through. Above me the female laughed, her arms folded beneath her breasts.
"Oh, little dragon," she snickered. "You don't know the half of it. You're going to do whatever I say, whenever I say it. And unless you want your balls smashed into paste before I'm through with you, I'd advise you to shut up and start listening."
I could hardly hear what she was saying through the ringing in my ears, but I could tell this was going to be a looooong ordeal...